Mangos

can someone please tell me that i am not a failure?

because if someone can tell me that i won't ... well... i won't feel so much like one.

i have a 1.9 gpa.

i have failed 4 classes.

sounds like failure to me.

but i still have a lot going for me. and i don't even really want a business degree... although it's not like having one will hurt... but this gpa causes me to lose my financial aid and that means i can't have the degree anyway.

i don't even really fucking care anymore. but of course (since i'm completely mad) me not caring makes me even more upset because i don't care. and i go around and around and all i end up with is that i'm a failure.

i think i was meant to live in the 50's and wear those dresses (that look so good on me btw) and cook dinner for my husband and do all the housework and take care of the kids... and not have to be smart.

and i can have that, in a way. matt doesnt want our kids to be raised by strangers any more than i do.

and what i really want is to be an accountant (exciting huh?). and i know that i said previously the thing about astronomy, but really folks? that's just another one of those harebrained ideas of mine. one so very much like the idea to go to online school and get my business degree... and let's all scroll up and remember how that turned out............ there we go.

so twice i'm a failure when it comes to school... but i don't blame me the first time around. i blame a combination of my dad and his girlfriend (mostly the girlfriend) my bipolar disorder, a little tiny bit of a green eyed boy that shall remain unnamed (only because he moved away from me when i least wanted him to go), and then my own lack of interest or knowledge of where i wanted to go.

because u cant learn to go somewhere if it's all fog and mist and dirt. because u can't see. and you'll never find your way back.