Weddings in the air

we just went back home to go to my parent's wedding reception. it was just a small group of family and friends, eating brunch. and my brother wrote a toast that made yvonne cry. aww...

makes me think about weddings... not that i'm getting married any time soon. Not even engaged yet. But i found out that my former best friend/cousin is engaged to her boyfriend, and i am terrified that she won't even invite me to the wedding/party/whatever she does to celebrate it. We haven't spoken in probably a year but not for lack of trying on my part. she doesn't care. she was my best friend and i still think about her all the time. Whenever i hear Extreem's More than Words i want to call her and put my phone up to the speaker and leave it on her voice mail.

I invited her to my birthday party in june. I had a bunch of friends come out to the bar and have some drinks. we played some pool and all. she said "we don't drink, so we're not coming"

wtf? so what? so you go to the bar, and get a coke, and play some pool and just generally say 'hi' to me because i haven't seen you in forever and i miss you and it's my freaking birthday! come to think of it, they didn't come to my birthday last year either.

I don't know if you can tell, but i'm a bit bitter about the fact that she just kinda dropped me like she did... all because she got a new boyfriend and no longer had time... i try to convince myself that a friend like that is one not worth having, but it's hard because we were so close.

and i think what horrifies me the most is the fact that when i eventually invite her to my wedding party she won't come. i already know it. her mom and my dad are brother and sister, and their parents, are the grandparents that she despises the most. in fact she hates most of our shared part of the family. I know she's not going to come because she won't want to deal with them and that just hurts.

*sigh*